The important part of the equation

I've been married a for quite a while--13 years.  Mr Wonderful (I have to call him that b/c my friends refer to him as the "sainted________" and I promised I wouldn't use his name so Mr Wonderful it is) and I have been together even longer, like 23 years.  He was my high school sweetie, lucky me, I struck the jackpot my first time out.  We grew up in the same small town so I've seen him on and off all along.  I remember what he looked like when he was a still just a kid, I remember what he looked like back when he experimented with this horrible longer mustache (that was thankfully a short phase).  I've had surreal moments when I think "was that the guy I pushed off my porch when he tried to give me my first kiss:   sitting there holding our sleeping baby, chasing all the kids, driving us home to our house?"  He's really quiet and can be hard to read sometimes, but if you knew him you'd love him too. 

Which leads me to the next point:  what's the glue that holds it together when you've been together for a long time?  I think its a bunch of things but here's a few to keep in mind...

Remember what it is you dug about him in the first place.  I knew I was in trouble when I first met him and I looked up into those amazing blue/green/gray eyes.  (light eyes, dark hair, my favorite combo; think Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Tom Welling (Smallville), the guy from JAG, whooops getting off the subject here but you get the picture)  So on days when I'd really like to bitch at him for not picking up his socks, I take a deep breath and just look at him.  I'll sit next to him, or flop down on the bed next to him, and just really look at him for a few seconds...before I bitch at him for not picking up his socks. 

Don't expect him to morph into someone he's not just because you wish he was more (fill in the blank).  Hey, you knew what he was like before you married him.  If he's not the type to spew sonnets and buy you presents, don't expect him to suddenly turn into a shopping Shakespeare just because it's your birthday.  Maybe you are just lucky enough to get a card when your friend got a Mercedes--so what? Mr Wonderful is truly a man of few words and doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve, but I know exactly where I sit on his list of priorities.  He says them when he needs to say them, and I'm ok with that.  I don't look for roses everytime he walks through the door (but sometimes he does bring them.)  Would I like them?  Of course, who wouldn't; I just don't hold it against him for not doing it.

Take the Cheerios out of your hair and off your shirt...and then take off your shirt.  Ladies...here's a little secret...it's not all up to him to get the fireplace started.  Take the initiative once in a while even if you haven't had a chance to jump in the shower yet, because chances are you don't really smell as bad as you think and he's not gonna really care if it means he's getting lucky.  And don't just wait until its dark out to do it, sometimes you have to strike when opportunity arises, even if it's just the 20 minutes or so you have before you must run to pick up the kids.  Make the time, it's all about timing..with all the little ones swirling around, privacy can be hard to get.  I've been known to give up a little sleep composing dirty haiku (for the man of few words) as I try to stay awake laying in bed waiting for him to come home (he works nights).  Okay, here's a tame (remember it's a family show) (lame) one-don't laugh it does the trick: 

 His lips kissing me/Take away my defenses/Stop, no don't stop yet               

I hardly ever write them down.  It's a new thing to help stay awake, there's only so much HBO a girl can watch.  Remember, this special quality time is why you are now driving a minivan, so throw him a bone once in a while.  Linger at goodbye.  Grab the back of his neck just so and turn the perfunctory goodbye peck into something to think about while he's at work.  Pull him into the pantry and plant one on him like you mean it while in the middle of making dinner. Anticipation can make even the most mundane evening spicier.

Say it, wear it, taste it, smell it.  You know what he likes.  You are on your own with this one.

One day at work, I made everyone laugh because I was talking about him and I started blushing.  Seriously, I mean where did that come from?  Occasionally, I'll go to call him and get all swirly and nervous like I've never called him before (yeah, I roll my eyes at that too.)  I've learned to like those moments because it gives me a buzz to realize that after all this time, I'm still so into him that he has that effect on me.  It makes all the crappy day to day stuff, like picking up his socks, bearable. 

But I'll probably still bitch at him about it.