Blast-o-breath

This morning, I was in another room when I hear Nolan calling me:  "Hey, Mom, they're talking to that guy from 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Kingdom of Heaven' right now on t.v." 

 "Orlando Bloom?"

"Yeah." 

Well, that boy just scored some extra points for knowing his mother's taste in men, lol.  "Who's that, Mom?"  Ben asks as I scoot by him.  "Shh, honey, Mommy wants to watch them talk to Legolas."  "But isn't Legolas the one with white hair?"  "It's called hair dye, Ben, shhh." 

I sat on the couch, so I could, um, listen, of course; and Ryan scooted right up next to me.  That child is perpetually in my lap, he is quite the cuddler, so I'm not surprised that he can spoon himself right next to me and be perfectly comfortable in a flash.

"Morning, sugar my sugar," I said over my shoulder to him.  "Morning, Mommy," he replied, as he stretched up to give me a kiss. 

OY!  What is that smell emanating from his mouth?  He's only six, his breath should still be in the 'sweet baby-breath' range, shouldn't it? 

It shouldn't smell like a trucker after a long haul across Texas, should it?

How is it that these sweet little beings have some of the most horrendous, the most eyebrow-singeing breath known to man?  Nothing says lovin' like taking one of those before-I-brushed-my-teeth smackeroos first thing in the morning.  I mean, Nolan is 11, I expect his breath to be awful;  Ben, at 8, is approaching the turn-your-head-before-you-speak end of the spectrum; I can handle this.

But when Ryan and worse yet, Audrey, come up to me and have that breath that leaves cartoon-like waves in its wake, I have to pause.  And hold my nose.

In my house, we refer to this as "dragon breath."

"Ryan, go brush your teeth."

"But I don't feel like it."  (Uh-huh, like it's an option to say no at this point, but okay, it's early, I'll play along.)

"Then please don't talk to me!"  Giggle, giggle, hands up between us.   <deep voice> "Move away from the Mommy and go back to your side of the couch."  We're all giggling now, and he disappears a few seconds later.

I'm sitting right here, surfing away, and he comes right up to me..."HAAAHHHHHH" he breathes right into my face.  Charming. 

But fresh, with a minty kick.

And my eyebrows?  Still intact.