Wednesday, August 10, 2005

But this is my job

Once in a while, this part-time work thing gets me down.  I appreciate every day that I am able to be here, with the kids.  It's what I do, and I'm grateful to be here for the moments, large and small, that move me. 

But part-time work means part-time pay, and as a result, I've got the household accounts down to a not-totally-perfect-but-it-works science.  Like anyone else, I manage, and no one's running around naked.  (Not unless they want to--and you may not believe this, but I just looked over because something caught my eye, and there was Audrey, running around, without a stitch on her.  Really.)

It's just that when something comes along, and throws things off, like say, the two semi-costly van repairs last month, or whatever that's due to break breaks, neccesitating replacement; and I have to get creative with my system, it sends me into a tailspin.  Needs vs. wants.  Wants vs. needs. 

I want to have a stress-free month. 

I need to have a rich relative....hmm, how do I put this delicately?... leave me an inheritance.  <lol>

What I'm getting at is that I start to feel bad about only working part-time.  I know that if I were working full-time, things would be easier.  So I start to mope a bit, and plot all kinds of crazy ways that I could be in two places at once.  And I sigh, and tell Mr W how I am dropping the ball.

He, of course, is fabulous, when he's not getting impatient about hearing me go on about this again, and exasperatedly tells me the the work I do around here, while it doesn't actually pay, is important nonetheless.  That it's okay.  That I need to knock this shit off, and get out of the way, because the commercial's almost over.  <Hugs>; and move on, "it'll work out."

He's right, of course.  (Oh, and look, I admitted it in print.  Isn't that against some wifely code or something?)

I was kinda busy last week, and so I couldn't dwell too  much on feeling low, even though it's been weighing on my mind as of late.  Seasonal fiscal guilt, so to speak.

As usual, the kids put me in my place.

Perspective came to me on Friday, when Nolan came to the van, and he was laughing.  Apparently, I was the topic of conversation among some of his friends.  "Mom, D. thinks you make the best chocolate chip cookies in the whole world.  I asked him, "so, if I held one over your head right now, you'd roll over like a dog for it?" and he said yes!  Isn't that funny?" 

<You know, I always knew I liked D.>

I looked around the van, at all the people that were so happy to see me, and I snapped out of it.

This is my job.  They think I'm good at it.  They're happy.

It'll work out.


jckfrstross said...

It is hard to work partime  i did it when the kids were little and i moved up gradually I work for the school district it worked out i was off when they were off now they are grown and i still work for the school district lol love my summers off:)
Keep smiling makes them wonder what you are up to


suzypwr said...

HAPPY is what matters.

deniden said...

So, when do I get to taste test these infamous cookies? I have no problem giving you my home address and pay for shipping. You can have an adopted 23 year old daughter. ;)


nicurnmama said...

I thought things would be easier $$ wise when I made the decision to go full time. Not so much. More $$ meant more to spend and it snowballs plus the stress. If I had to do it again, I would have stayed part time. The only good thing 4 me is I no longer have that monstrous commute. Maybe after I get daughter #1 through trade school I will cut back again.
Like you, I am waiting for that long lost rich relative to leave all their fortune to me.
You are good at your job! The happy customers are the proof!

pollysci said...

a part time job + full time mom= desperate need for overtime compensation. :)


mum24boyz said...

Funny... I keep thinking how I want to work!

Robyn :)

womandriver2 said...

Wow.. funny I am having a similar problem lately.   I work full time, since school has started and buses are in a mess I have had to cut to 30 hours... BUT it's still too much.. I'm not there for the kids, I'm not focused when I am there -- I am brain fried.  I went home last night and said "I don't want to work anymore I just want to be a MOM!"  --- now if we can make this financially feasable.... I would be in heaven.

inafrnz247 said...

Oh, I can relate to this one!  I stayed home, mostly when my girls were small.  Once they were both in school, I really wanted to help contribute and have some pocket money, at least, of my own.  I was lucky enough, in many respects, to have been offered at 4 day a week morning position at the local preschool working with a special needs student 6 years ago.  That developed into "full time", but full time at school is really closer to part time.  The benefits can also be considered the negatives!  Like you said, less hours means less pay.  Yes, I'm with my kids when they are home, I have the same hours, vacations, summers off, etc.  But then, I don't get the biggest paycheck in the world.  After the morning we've had hear today, I can almost say I'm ready to find an office job! :O)  Michelle

tillysweetchops said...

Being a mum of 6 under 11 years, I can relate to what you've said. I love my kids but it's the hardest thing I've ever done and sometimes (a lot of times) it mind-numbing work. Especially as I've had to cut down on all the fun things like baking choc-chip cookies (one for you, one for you, 6 for me..) while I lose the extra body weight I'm carrying (and I do mean an extra body - probably the weight of an average 6 year old!). Your journal's fun. I'll be back. Tillyx

billandnae said...

Yup, it always does work itself out doesn;t it?  Still doesn't stop me from obsessing over it though.  Bill's been out of work for three weeks now, and this was the first week with no pay.  I have a 300 car payment, insurance? bill?  Late....  ciara and ALex need a new wardrobe for school?  Great.

Wish me luck!

tdain2003 said...

Oh I SO relate to this..... I worry and worry about money.... but it all works out in the end : )  LOL at the commercial ending ; )

You have the most important job in the world and you're doing a fabulous job!!!  
You deserve a raise for the best chocolate chip cookies in the whole world... and the raise is the extra kisses and hugs and compliments from your kids friends : )