Friday, December 31, 2004

Disbelief

"Is Mr W still working nights?" he asks.  "Yeah,"  I reply, "it's like we're ships passing in the night." "Well, it looks like you are still managing to have sex, or else you wouldn't be here to see me again.  If he ever goes back to working days, I'll be out of business,"  he joked.

After the birth of Audrey, when he was discharging me from the hospital, and giving all the usual instructions, he added "And remember, nothing inside you for 6 weeks...not even your best friend."  It hurt to laugh with my healing incision, but we laughed nonetheless.

A woman's relationship with her ob/gyn is an important albeit necessary one.  I am lucky that the person I chose to be mine is compassionate, knowledgeable, and humorous as all hell.  I saw him earlier this month, and had to admit to him that Mr W had been out of town, that I'd tried to behave myself before the visit (you know how you're supposed to abstain before your annual exam for a couple of days..) and he interrupted me with "..but that wasn't gonna happen, huh?  So you're telling me all those parts still work?  Glad to hear it," he said as he chuckled at me.   "I take it you're here for the lube-and-oil change?"

Even when I used to work with him, back in the day, I recall him making all his patients feel special, and taking extra time all the time.  You never felt rushed, he always answered all the questions, even if you stopped him in the hallway after your visit was over.  I remember the one time that he had to go, after giving me bad news and I was crying in the office, he felt so bad that he called me at home to apologize and talk some more with me about my issue.  He's just a special and unique man; and I have to say that all of us that know him adore him.  With the exception of Nolan, he delivered all my kids.  He was there for some of Nolan's labor, but he went on vacation the next day so he wasn't there for the actual event. 

I've known him for over 13 years, so it was particularly hard today that I had to say goodbye to my beloved Dr Gordon.  On Christmas Eve, Dr Gordon, his son, and his wife were in a car accident.  Dr Gordon and his 15 yr old son were killed, and his wife was injured. 

I am still not able to believe it.  Even as I sat with Mr W and some of my friends who also knew him, in a chapel filled with people who loved them, I could hardly get past it.  I just saw him, I thought.  I still have so many things I wish I could tell him, my mind persists.  I feel so for his wife, for not only losing such a wonderful partner, but for also losing a terrific kid.  I hope that she is comforted by her other children, and her grandchild that is on the way. 

My friends, Mr W. and I, all sat together, listening to the eulogies, dabbing at the tears.  We all have fond memories to help with the healing.  I think I will miss his the sound of his voice and laughter the most.  Having spent all those years giving him messages and listening to him, I can still hear it now.  Just yesterday, I was filling out a form for the kids at the dentist, and writing in my work phone number, and I heard Dr Gordon's voice asking me "so, are you still working at the same place?" that last time I saw him.

I think what is most difficult for me (and Mr W) is that although we've lost people before, it's never been quite like this, so sudden.  There was not a long illness or old age preceeding it, just boom, gone.  And I, who get so attached to the people I love, am saddened by all the things I never got to say, that I will not have the opportunity to say again. 

It's tragic that we don't always let the people we care about the most know how important they are to us in the time we have with them.  Maybe you are waiting for the right time, or can't quite find the words, or you're just too busy with life.  I've decided to try to amend that, and hopefully the people that are close to me will indulge me when I hold them a little longer, a little tighter.

And the next time it's time for my special girly visit, I know I will shed a tear or two, and try to smile as I hear Dr Gordon's voice in my head telling me to "saddle up."

1 comment:

deniden said...

I'm sorry to hear about Dr. G, he sounds like an awesome doctor, and an even better man. Very few people get to have that close of a relationship with family or friends, let alone a doctor. I'm sure you are thankful for that. You're in my thoughts...

Denielle