Thursday, December 23, 2004

"That'll be one-foot-in-your-mouth.95, ma'am"

Before I go into my big embarassing moment, let me just say I actually got the baking done (in spite of all the kids swirling around all day, demands in hand), delivered some cookies (hope no one is doubled over in pain), and managed to not beat the crap out of Mr W when he announced, at 6 am this morning "I need a huge favor."  He asked me to come up with 11, ELEVEN little presents ("a little munchie or something") to take to work today.  Um, okay, sure, no problem....(calm, blue, ocean--calm, blue, ocean--calm, blue, ocean--breathe)   I did eventually hiss at him about it, later on in the day, about "and you knew about this when" and he had the gall to get a bit defensive about it (ha, guilt, guilt, can you say guilt?) 

I pulled it off!  Whether or not it was successful, who knows, but let's just thank God for Trader Joes.  I got these little tins of some caramel cookies, and I made them look festive too.  Off to work he went, with all these little packages...that now that I think about it, resembled rolls of TP. (I had to use white tissue paper to wrap them, with little metallic ties..) Hey, that's pretty funny, considering his intended police audience, lol.

To top it off, he announced to me that his schedule at work will change, so this means my work schedule changes too (he watches the kids on his days off when I work, yeah, bless him) and lucky me, I am exiled to weekends again.  I'll get over it.  Eventually.  In the meantime, it's a sore point, and well, f**k. :( 

After I dropped off Nolan at a friend's house, I delivered cookies to a couple of other friends, and then the charmed three and I went to procure the Honeybaked ham I'd promised Mr W I'd get.  Tomorrow, it will make my life easier that I got it, but tonight, it was a pain in the butt.  Of course, I've done this before, and I knew they'd be busy, so I dug in and prepared the troops.  I didn't count on there being an Artic wind blowing in AZ tonight, and that added to the level of difficulty...along with the little princess showing her Damian stripes.  Sigh.  I teased Mr W about it when I was done, telling him how long we waited (about 25 minutes or so, start to finish) and that he better count on eating every bit of that damn thing, or else I'd be finding new non-culinary uses for it...

My Dad called me while I was on my way home, and he said something about needing a present for my Nana, and I realized he meant my other, Nana, shrimpy Nana.  (The kids call her that, so now I do too.  Yes, she's shrimpy.)  The one I realize I forgot to get something for.  Great. 

And we get to my embarassing moment at last. "Hey, kids, we need to stop real quick at Kohl's.  You can handle it.  We'll get some food afterwards, got it?"  Okay, mistake number one was not taking my stroller out of the car for the princess.  She likes to ride in their stroller, so I figured we'd go for that.  Of course, there weren't any to be seen.  But I figure, I know what I'm getting, it'll be just a sec, no big deal.  Mistake number two was not going directly to the spot I wanted too, but foolishly looking for a shirt (one I should've snatched up for Mr W last week when I saw it.)  On the bright side, I found him some turtlenecks for work, on sale no less, but then I hear the dreaded words "Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom.  BAD."  And where are said bathrooms?  In the back of the freaking store, that's where.  Off we go, and as we trek back there, I am searching for the stupid store stroller, contemplating swiping a stray one that appears to not be in use...when I realize the user is like just on the other side of the display, oops, my bad.  Pointing in the right direction, I send the boys onward, almost running, while princess and I trail behind.  Once we regroup, we head to the section I needed, to get Nana a colorful throw blanket, because she's always cold, and the real fun with princess and co. begins.  Ben keeps trying to 'help' by grabbing his brother by the jacket, and princess keeps either dragging her feet, 'shopping' at each display, or trying to hide from me.  I keep grabbing her hand, to no avail.  I round them up, and we get to mistake number three...trying to get to the checkout line.  Princess makes a break for it, and runs up the aisle, and I catch her, and muster up enough grace to threaten her in her ear and not loud enough to be escorted from the building.  We get to the checkout, and are waiting patiently (!) when I notice my little ones are drifting off, away from me..."GET back here now!" brings them all over to me, and I tell them, look we're almost done, you guys are doing fine, blah, blah. Ben is nice enough to pick up Audrey, and as I place the stuff down, he has her almost on the counter, and he jokes to me "Mommy, you'll have to pay for her too," and I sarcastically reply "Honey, I pay for her every single day."  Now, I was thinking I was going to elicit a smile at least from the guy behind the counter, but instead I kinda got a 'she's a wacko' look.  I hurry up and pay, only to just about snap outside when she won't hold my hand, nearly taking off again.  I stood her next the wall, and ranted a bit about her not running off, etc. when I thought, WTF?  knock it off, girl, before a passerby decides to call CPS or something...really, I should know better...oh, the shame of the bad move.  From ubermom to lunatic in record time, my friends.

Once we get home, and all are settled, contentedly munching on fries, I jump into comfies...and remember I have to go pick up Nolan at his friend's house in like 15 minutes. 

Mr W is off for the next four days.  I may feel like I can come out of my Batcave escape (the bathroom to the rest of you) by then.  That's if I don't just keep on driving until I see the calm, blue, ocean.


1 comment:

pixiedustnme said...

Ah, don't you love the holidays? I took my 7 yr old to target yesterday.  Had a 10 minute lecture on the way there "the traffic is going to be terrible, the store is going to be crowded, and the checkout line is going to be long.  there will be NO screwing around while we are out and there will be NO whining."  She was an angel and we made it in and out and back home in under an hour.  I can't even do that on a "regular" day.  Go figure!  Merry Christmas! -Kelly