Today's the big day.
Audrey starts preschool. From noon til 2, T/Th.
So cute that Mr W was disappointed when I reminded him it would happen while he was away. "You're gonna be pining for her, upset that you are all alone."
"No, I'm not," I said firmly.
"Yes, you will."
I wanted to retort "you have no idea" but really, he does. He knows it's a bittersweet pill I take the day this all begins.
The day I signed her up, I thought to myself, she's ready, as I smugly signed my check.
She can do all kinds of things her brothers couldn't at this age. She's social. She likes to learn new things. She wants to "go to preschool like a big girl."
So why does she look so small to me today?
Yeah, I talked the big talk to Mr W, about all the trouble I'd get into without small fry in tow.
Where to go, what to do today? Hmmmm.
I think I will be in the library, close by if she needs me, trying to not sob quietly in the stacks.
Then again, I may lay down a trail of rubber in the parking lot as I speed away.
I guess I'll take my cue from her.
Something tells me she will trot off, "bye Mom" like Ryan did. Actually his words were "why aren't you leaving?"
I'm not leaving because just yesterday, the stick turned pink. I'm not leaving because you still reach for me in the night. I'm not leaving because that little kid in the corner has an evil glint in his eye and he's looking at you. I'm not leaving because I'm not sure that I'm ready. I'm not leaving because you are my baby. These are the thoughts that flash across my heart, along with a million others.
But I said to him: "Okay, sweetie," as I turned to leave. And he was just fine.
I'll have to keep that in mind when I drop her off today. I know stifling my over-Momness will be the best thing.
Even if it's not the easiest one.