I think I missed something in my wedding vows. I remember love, for richer or poorer, and all that other stuff. Where did it say "be a continuous source of amusement for your spouse?"
Maybe it was in the small print.
We have two tvs in our house. One is in the family room, the other is in our bedroom. So chances are, on any given evening, the kids will be watching in the family room (and sometimes I watch with them) and Mr W will be watching tv in our room, sitting on our bed (and sometimes, I watch with him.)
I like his vantage point from the bed, because he will act as my sentinel when I'm in the bathroom. The kids have to get past him to get to me. And alot of times, I hear this: "Where's Mommy?" "She's in the bathroom..." <pitter patter towards bathroom door> "Leave her alone." "But.." "It can wait until she comes out." "But...." "Get out." "But...." <Daddy roar...followed by pitter patter away from our room>
Because of this set up, a lot of our conversations take place with one of us standing in the doorway to the bathroom, while the other one is sitting on the bed. Usually while we are doing everyday kind of stuff, like brushing teeth or changing clothes.
I'm changing, the other night, bathroom light off so the kids won't approach there first. Hey, I think. I match. Decent underwear. I think I'll start talking, so he'll look over, and we'll see where this goes later.
I don't remember what I said that made him look over, but I do remember the gales of laughter that burst forth from his mouth when he did. What the ? I'm thinking, is there a hole in my undies? This is a good set! Why is he laughing? That is so not the response I was looking for, and he's crazy if he thinks this is going anywhere later.
I'm glaring at him, about to shut the door to gather what is left of my dignity, just as he points out that I have a Kleenex stuck in the strap of my bra. Oh, now that's alluring. So sssexxxayyy. I'm going for "Bond girl" vibes (okay, so it's a stretch) and instead, I'm sending out "Golden Girls" ones. How did I forget about that?
Because I do it all the time.
Yes. I have been known to stick a Kleenex in my bra strap. You never know when there will be a snot emergency, and frankly, the last time I used my tshirt to clean Audrey's sudden snot-burst in public, I got a couple of stares. It's a habit I picked up from my Mom, who picked it up from my Nana, who also hides money in hers. (I'm not kidding. Once, I took her shopping, and she mentally added up what was in the cart, and went to the bathroom in the store to extract her funds from her bra. "Nana, we have these things," <I pointed at hers> "called purses," I said to her, as she fixed me with a look only a 4'10" Nana can give, that shut me right up. That look, before she reaches up and grabs a few of your hairs, is to be heeded and not provoked further, unless you'd like a bald spot.)
Anyway. I still turned up my nose and shut the door. He didn't need to know that did finally see the humor in it, and was giggling too.
And if I'm gonna be completely honest here, I managed to pull a Kleenex out of the strap the other day, in the Target parking lot, not realizing that the high school kid out picking up carts was looking right at me. Oh, yeah, baby, yeah. The Hot Moms are lining up, begging me to teach them that maneuver. <eyeroll>
Last night, I waited until Audrey left the room, and snuck in to use the bathroom. We'd had a steady stream of kids in again, out again, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. (They are on break, and by this time of night, all over the place. But not at all tired, of course.) Mr W was at Defcon 4, which for him means he is done with them bugging me and will fire upon the next person who enters the room.
I'd been flipping channels between ER and Southpark (I'd been watching the Comedy Channel, and it was just what was on next.) I had no sooner closed the door when I hear "Moo-oom." And I snapped.
"WHAT?!!" I growled, not disguising the irritation in my voice. At the same time I'm wondering, why didn't I hear Mr W head off that kid at the pass?
Laughter. Lots of laughter from Mr W is what I hear next.
I emerged from the bathroom, and he looks at me, "That wasn't one of our kids. That was Cartman." He's grinning at me, and I'm exasperated, but it's funny. I have to laugh too.
No, it's not enough to be pushed to the brink at the end of the night by my own kids, now I'm taking on the kids from the tv, too.
Now there's an argument for reinstating their school bedtimes again, starting....tonight.
I'm such a dork. I just have to accept there is no way around it, I'm always going to do something goofy.
I guess as long as he still finds it amusing, it'll be just fine.