I think that between Mr W and I, in the "your child did ____" sweepstakes, I win.
Exhibit A: Yesterday, I went to answer the door. Jane was here, to take me back to pick up the van. As she comes into the house, I feel/see a blur of kid going by. It's Ryan. Running down the hallway. With scissors in his hand, business end pointed out. I let out a horrified gasp, and resist the urge to yell at him (I might scare him and make him fall) but start laughing instead (because seriously, folks, this is something that only happens in print, or on tv, not in your own house). "What are you doing?" I ask him, while making my way towards him so I can take them away. "I have popcorn stuck in my tooth," he says, opening his mouth. "And you were gonna get it out with the scissors?" springs from my lips before I realize he wanted to cut the floss. He brings me the floss, and it is wound in such a way that I can see why he thinks he needs to cut it. Kid logic. It never ceases to amaze me.
I did manage to get the offending piece out. And I almost put the scissors in my purse before I left. Just in case.
Exhibit B: Audrey decides to help herself this morning. To a can of Coke, no less. Which she drops onto the floor from the dining table. I spot her, and tell her 1) "No, absolutely not"; and 2) "put that in the fridge."
What do I hear next? tch-ch <can opening> then splutter, hiss, foam, you name it. I jump up and run to her, grab the can and open it the rest of the way, expecting the worst but it's a better option than the fizzz-zzzz that's going everywhere.
I don't even bother to ask her what she's doing, I just send her to her room so I can clean up the mess before she tries to do it and winds up painting the floor. And I put the soda in the fridge. (It's too bad it was opened, I mean, Mr W's lunch could've had an element of excitement added to it.)
I try to limit myself to one 'emergency' a day.
Which means right about now, I am considering it a blessing that the other two kids are still asleep.