Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Things I hear

Audrey has decided that my bathroom is her bathroom.  She is the only kid that has done this, and I guess as long as she's using it, I can't complain.

The other night she came running in like always, and she semi-closed the door.  She is funny, she will plop down, and we'll hear her singing, or she'll start talking to us. 

On the night in question, she was campaigning for a bath.  I'd bathed her earlier in the day, and I had told her she was fine.  She was arguing with herself as she sat on the pot, babbling away:
"I ask Mommy to take me a bath and she say nooooo but I stink, I stink.  Mommy.  I stink.  I need bath..."

"No, you don't."

She commences again..."I go to school, I play, I go to 'kido, I ready, it's dark, I need a bath.  I stink.  I stink like a dog.  I stink like a smelly dog!"

Mr W and I look at each other, and we are trying not to laugh out loud, because she will hear us and not drop it.  It was hysterical.  "I didn't know smelly dogs smell like vanilla shampoo,"  I said to Mr W.

Then there was the night I had my back to the kids, making dinner.  I could hear Ben talking, and this is what made me pause:
"Then the man sticks something in the woman, and that's how the babies are made."

???  I perked up.  I had to know.

"Ben?"  I called him to me.

"Honey, what are you talking about?"

"We were studying fish.  And the male fish has to do something, let something over the female so the eggs will fertilize.  Gross.  It's gross."

"Oh."  I feel like I just dodged a bullet, got a reprieve, been given a pass.  "Fish, huh?  That sounds interesting."  I was really thinking, yeah, buddy, give it a few years.

Ryan lost a tooth recently.  He told us, "Did you know, that if you leave your light on, the tooth fairy won't come?"

I had to question that the next day, when he found three dollars under his pillow.  I looked at the tooth fairy and raised an eyebrow.  As we walked out into the hall, I said, 'Dude, aren't you raising the bar a bit high there?  Three bucks?  Are you nuts?"  "It was dark," the tooth fairy replied, "I thought I only had two bucks..."

Maybe Ryan knows what he's talking about, with the darkness.  The tooth fairy leaves more money when the tooth fairy can't see.

Now, that gives me an idea....


robinngabster said...

I need my man to stick something in me! Whaaaaaa!!!  That is so funny!!  

When I taught preschool we had a bathroom in the classroom and one little girl used to go in and sing at the top of her lungs while tinkling.  It was a hoot!!   She had no idea we could hear her but as soon as her hiney hit the pot she would belt out a tune!!!

perkysgrl said...

Oh man, that Audrey is as crack up!!

Its funny to hear what kids say when they don't
think you are listening :)


mom2kk11 said...

One night the tooth fairy left Kristyn $10!  

"$10! What the hell is that about?" John said

"Maybe the tooth fair didn't have any change at 1am." Was my reply.

Always have change ready for the tooth fairy!


ekgillen said...

Every time I go to the post office to buy stamps out of the machine I save the gold dollars and that is what the tooth fairy leaves in our house (makes it pretty simple).

Love that smelly Audrey!!


katie39041 said...

Ohhhhhhhh how cute is audrey.You had me laughing with this entry,
god bless xxxxx

misscarberry said...

When I was little the toothfairy would only leave me letters, the cheap bitch :). Ha ha, your storys about Audrey always make me laugh!

Love Sam xXx

jevanslink said...

When the kids were old enough to get the joke, I would dress up as the tooth fairy -- tutu, wand, the works.  And stumbled into the dark room sounding like Dame Edna. "It's the Tooth Fairy. I'm here for the tooth. Where is it?" I would inspect the tooth, claim it for my collection and leave a bunch of change and a couple of crumpled bills under the pillow.  "Tata Darlings."    Mrs. L