Friday, November 21, 2008

Did I say that?

I started laughing, snorting, crying...

Ben looked at me like I needed to be medicated. "Mom? What's so funny?" he asked.

I was on my way to take him to school.


He was missing his extracurricular class, but it wasn't my fault.

You see, there are some mornings my life is a sitcom, and yesterday was one of them. I was running late (for real) and trying to get everyone out the door, bad hair day be damned, and as I am ushering the chicks out of the coop, Ben stops dead in his tracks and announces he needs the bathroom, in the voice that tells me he's going to be a while.

Fabulous. Why? Why now?? It's deja vu, in a dirty-diaper-blowout-all-over-your-lap-as-you-are-about-to-leave-for-work sense. I sigh.

"Go," I point to the bathroom, "I'll drop these kids off and come back for you."

When I got back, he was heading down the hall to me. I throw some things in my own lunchbag, and grab my water bottle, I'm turning towards the door, when he gets a weird look on his face.

And says something about his underwear feeling funny, complete with hip wiggle.

"I think these are Ryan's," he explains.
"FIX them," I say through gritted teeth.

Finally, we are on our way, and about a mile down the road, when this rant just spews forth:
"I don't know what it is about you and taking a crap," I say (you have to understand, that for most of his early years, God bless him, he used to have to disrobe ENTIRELY when he was going to be a while, it was a production) "I mean, why should you take so long?" I start beating my open palm against the steering wheel for emphasis: "You go in." (beat) "You take a crap." (beat) "You get out." (beat) "What's so hard about that?"

I wasn't mad. It was just one of those frustrated-mom moments that bubbled out into the open. He looked at me, a bit chagrined, and I swear I saw him roll his eyes, 'is-she-done-yet-can-I-turn-up-the-radio?' all over his face.

We driven a bit further when I had my laughing fit. Which brings us back to the beginning of my story.

"What's so funny?" he asked when I paused for a breath.

"Dude, the things I find myself saying, the conversations I have with you kids, because of you kids, sometimes, it's absurd. You have to see how funny that is... I had a flash, of all the ridiculous things that have come out of my mouth: 'Don't eat your boogers.' 'Do that in private.' 'You take a crap too slow.' It's hilarious, when you think about it."

He started laughing too. "I guess so."

He was just delighted that I wasn't ranting anymore.

Just like his father, he's relieved when I stop raving and start smiling.


Bridgett said...

It must be a man thing. Doug could sit on the toilet for an hour in perfect contentment.

But yea...mommy conversations are the best. Like when I was explaining to Autumn yesterday that sausage comes from pigs. I thought her jaw was going to hit the floor. LOL

Great entry.

p.s. I really wanna see Twilight tonight!! No babysitter though.


Remo said...

I better not tell you about the conversation he and I had this morning.

p.s. When his Bride comes calling in a few years to complain about his "timing", 'joo got some 'splaining to do.

Remo said...

p.s. Uhhh. Earth-to-Bridgett...

Who says we're pooping for an hour?