Standing up

I sent the kids in to brush their teeth last night.  You'd think I'd learn by now to send them in one at a time, or suffer the consequences of listening to them bicker and argue their way through who stole the toothpaste.

I heard Ben telling Audrey, "Sit DOWN on the toilet!" and I sighed, because I figured she was doing her usual "oh, look at me" admiring gaze while she stood there.  I should just mount a full length mirror in the house for her, because if she's not standing on the toilet, she's standing on my bed to look at herself in the mirror on the dresser.

A couple of seconds later, Ben walks into my bedroom, looking grave.  "Mom,"  he said, "you really need to have a talk with Audrey about sitting on the toilet when she pees.  She was standing in front of it, aiming,"  he pauses, imitating her, horrified.

I'm opening my mouth to reply when, not skipping a beat, Nolan says:  "Geez, Ben, she's more manly than you are."

Ben leapt at Nolan, and I had to peel them apart, reminding Ben that Nolan weighs less than he does at the moment, and I didn't want him to snap any of his twiggy limbs.

First of all, I'm surprised that she was going to use the bathroom with all the kids in there, but I guess if you gotta go, you gotta go. 

Secondly, I've been yelling at the wrong kids, apparently, for missing their mark.  I wonder how many times it was the girl, and not the boys?  Eww.

Thirdly, I can't help but laugh.  Who among us women hasn't wanted to take aim at one point or another?

I had a little chat with her about acting like a lady and using the restroom alone.

Sitting down.