When you give a boy a haircut, he will want some super-hold goo to go with it.
He will volunteer to shower each day, to better tend to his hair.
He will develop a little attitude. A good thing, in a boy who usually wants no attention drawn to himself whatsoever.
He will decide the hair is too much trouble to do everyday, and move on to something else.
"What's that?" he'll ask, as he points to the TAG on the shelf in the store.
(The boy who hates shopping is along for the ride.)
You tell him it's the smelly stuff from the commercial, where the guy is covered with girls within seconds of putting it on.
"Hmm. How does this one smell?" he sprays in front of you.
"Mmm. Works for me. Wait, eww, I'm your Mom. But it does smell good."
He starts contemplating how well he'll do with the ladies with it on at school the next day. He thinks they'll love it.
"I wonder, does my facial and underarm hair make me a man?" as he reads the label, and points out that it says 'for men' on it.
"I don't know, but I do know that the fuss you are making over this qualifies you as a dork."
"Mo-om." He accidentally sprays it again. This time, too close to your face. <cough, cough>
"Maybe I'll wear it next time I go to the movies."
He grins. "Don't you want me to do well with the ladies?"
"I can barely tolerate the idea that you are going to be in jr high, much less the idea that you are doing well with the ladies."
As you are leaving, he giggles, delighted with what he is about to say next.
"I guess you don't want grandchildren."
I nearly stop the van and make him walk home.
Instead, I give him The Look. I turn up the radio a notch, and put my hand up to my face, blocking my peripheral vision.
This makes us both giggle.
"I'm giving that to your Dad once we get home, you know."
"Why does he need it? He doesn't need to do well with the ladies. He's already got you."
I took it as a compliment.
He smelled great when I dropped him off at school this morning.
So great, I was coughing all the way home.